


maybe they’ll leave you alone (but not me)

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison is Done, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben is Here for Five and he is Not leaving, Ben is alive!!!!, CHEFS KISS, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I borrow a major plot point for the comics, Klaus finally putting all his rehab know how to good use, Lord of the rings for some reason, Number Five | The Boy Gets A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Slumber party!!!!, Vanya's laughs are pure, We all know luther is the resident himbo but angstier, You do not have to have read the comics, bc I don’t care!!, bc the angst is just, dave is actually mentioned, family bonding time, i also quote it directly, it involves knives!!!, kudos if u guess which one, of course it does, therapy with diego, to understand this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25978843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: The siblings discover something about Five.Five acts like he doesn’t care.-Also, family therapy time for all.
Comments: 51
Kudos: 881





	1. you're never going to fit in much, kid

**Author's Note:**

> Five can have a little margarita, as a treat
> 
> (Also Ben is alive bc I say he is)

Five walked down the corridor, lips curled into a sneer, the ice of his margarita clinking gently against the glass. He took a sip, the taste of salt and lime and alcohol flooding his senses before he trotted down the stairs, two steps at a time, the little paper umbrella leaning forlornly against the side of the cup.

Five took another sip, sucking on the edge of the cool glass, the salt and lime tart on his tongue.

He paused in the middle of the foyer, brows furrowing as he stared around the room. He took another sip of his drink, feeling the familiar prickle on the back of his neck that had given him pause in the first place.

His eyes widened and he vanished.

Klaus stumbled from where he’d been reaching to tap his brother on the shoulder. He tripped over his own feet as the subject of his attention disappeared into thin air, which was something you’d think that he’d be used to by now.

Five appeared with a pop a few feet away from him, facing his brother this time. He took another long slow sip of his margarita, "Something you want, Klaus?"

Klaus flailed and then straightened, the slight hint of a petulant whine to his voice, "Why do you gotta do that, Five?"

Five grinned, lips curving up in a smile that was all trouble, "Because I don’t like people touching me." He gestured with his drink, other hand in his pocket, "Now, what do you want, Klaus?"

Klaus eyed him, lips twisting, still whining, "How do you  _do_ that? You didn’t even see me, Five."

Five rolled his eyes. How did people think that  _he_ was the child here? He sighed, "Years of instincts, Klaus." He sipped his drink again, the alcohol calming him, "And my one hundred percent success rate."

Klaus blinked, "Your what?"

Five shook his head, "Whatever." Another sip and he wrinkled his noise as the paper umbrella bobbed in the drink, gently bumping his nose and then away again.

Klaus gestured back towards the kitchen, "Diego wanted me to tell you that him and mom were almost done making breakfast. Allison said and I quote, 'Tell Five he’s eating a meal with us or I’m confiscating all the caffeine in this house.'"

Five raised an eyebrow, "Uh-huh." He took a sip and remarked drily, "We wouldn’t want that to happen." He gestured with a hand, "By all means, lead the way. But only as long as she doesn’t take my margarita."

"I can’t guarantee it. Apparently eight am is too early for drinking. At least that’s what Ben always told  _me_ ," Klaus nattered on as he trotted away.

Five's eyes narrowed at Klaus as he walked beside him, very pointedly not looking at him.

Five didn't trust like that.

It was fortunate that he didn’t because Klaus lunged, hand reaching for his jacket, but Five was already gone, leaning against the opposite wall as Klaus fell face first into the wood of the wall, wincing reflexively as he braced for impact. Five caught the back of his feathered jacket, stopping him just short of the wall.

Klaus laughed almost nervously, "Oh, hey little brother," Five scowled instinctively after the term, "Didn't see you there."

Five huffed, "I could still drop you." However, he pulled back on the jacket, letting Klaus right himself.

Klaus brushed himself off, "Thanks for catching me, mi hermano."

Five gently stirred his margarita, staring up at his brother, "Cut the bullshit, Klaus, what're you doing?" 

Klaus leaned down eyes bright and curious, "What did you mean by your one hundred percent success rate?"

Five shrugged nonchalantly, taking another sip of his drink before realizing that he was out of salt on the rim of his glass. He grimaced and then started digging in his pockets, "Oh, I can’t fail."

Klaus snorted, "Diego will have something to say about that. And besides, we’ve all seen you fail at plenty of things."

Five pulled the item he’d been searching for out of his pocket and stuck it, aridiculously curled silly straw, into his margarita and sipping, smacking his lips with satisfaction afterwards, "Of course not when we were  _children_ . But have you seen me fail since I came back?"

Klaus scoffed, "Didn't you fail to save us from  _two_ apocalypses?"

Five smirked, "Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were a corpse, Klaus. My mistake. I thought you just normally looked like death warmed over."

Klaus stuck out his tongue, "I’m sober, dipshit. And besides, nobody  _can’t_ fail. To- to err is human or some shit like that."

Five sighed, holding open the door to the hallway, and rolling his eyes at Klaus's exaggerated curtsy of thanks, "I’ve never failed. I have a one hundred percent success rate, Klaus. Everyone I’ve set out to kill has indeed died, last I checked." He grinned, all teeth. 

Klaus guffawed, "Little Number Five,  _please_ , that’s not possible."

Five snorted as they strolled into the kitchen, fingers damp from the condensation of his glass, "Well, last I checked normal people weren’t genetically modified to be the perfect killing machine." 

Klaus spluttered and Five turned with a sharp shit-eating grin to face the rest of his siblings who were staring at him with naked confusion, "Oh, hello. I heard it was breakfast time?"

* * *

Five leaned back in his chair, groaning, his margarita really only ice now, "Why does there  _need_ to  be an intervention?"

"Five," Luther stressed for the fifth time, hands folded in front of him, "What do you  _mean_ by  _genetically modified?_ "

Diego nodded, "Yeah, and also,  _the fuck_ bro?"

Five leaned back and stared at them deadpan as he sipped the dregs of his drink, straw slurping loudly. Luther put his head in his hands.

Allison, from where she sat next to Luther, raised an unimpressed eyebrow at his antics. Klaus gnawed on his knuckles before asking, "You don't like, have a third arm or anything do you?"

Five stared, unblinking, and Klaus took the hint, waving a hand, "Yeah, you’re right, never mind. Stupid thought anyway."

Five sighed and put his glass on the table, leaning back to put his hands behind his head, "Why does this have you all so bothered?"

Vanya leaned forward, "Five. We're just... we're just worried about you."

Ben nodded with agreement.

Five sighed, "Look. It’s just Commission stuff."

"The  _Commission_ ?"

The room exploded into a cacophony of noises, most of which were confused shouts from Klaus with increasingly shrill variations of, " _The Commission?!_ ” And Diego cursing loudly and saying, "I knew I should’ve shot that pasty blonde bitch when I had the chance-“

Five frowned, picking up his drink to shift the ice again with the straw, "Well, I said that they  _made_ me a killer, the fuck did you think I meant?"

Allison sputtered, "Five, I thought- you know they- they  _trained_ you-“

"Yeah are you sure that’s not what it was, Five? Yeah maybe, that’s what you meant. Training. Right."

Five rolled his eyes at their denial and slammed down the glass, "How are you all  not getting this? Here, I'll say it in plain English: I am the perfect killer in every sense of the word  because _I am every killer._ I am the act of change possessed in a revolver, I am revolution packed into a suitcase bomb, I am the terror of the knife blade and anarchy incarnate sinking into your throat. I am  _all_ of them."

Vanya leaned forwards, eyes wide, "All of what?"

Five shrugged, scooping up the margarita ice sifting in the bottom of his drink and popping it into his mouth with a satisfying crunch, "The earth's most talented serial killers, of course. All the ones you’ve ever heard of and all the ones that haven’t yet been born. Their DNA is  _in_ me, is part of me-  _is_ me. I  _told_ you I was the perfect killing machine." He wiped his fingers on a napkin, "I have a one hundred percent success rate."

They stared at him.

Diego broke the silence by snapping, "And  _I_ reiterate, I should’ve shot that pasty-ass blonde bitch when I had the chance."

Five sipped noisily from his purple sparkly silly straw again.

Luther looked like his world had been shattered (again) and Allison seemed to be in a motherly murderous rage. Klaus just looked lost and confused. Ben stared and Vanya licked her lips in preparation of speaking.

Five rolled his eyes, deciding to nip that conversation in the bud, "Well, this has been enough family bonding time for me today and it is eight-thirty." He nodded, lips pressed firmly together in a tight smile, "And that’s a new record. I think I’m gonna go get drunk in my room." He stood, and then turned back, eyebrow raised, "Anyone want to join me?"

Klaus raised a hand, "Yes  _please_ ." 


	2. your aspirations to shreds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don’t drink guys

"Alright, guys, c'mon that’s- that’s enough now.”

Five snarled, fingers tightly wrapped about the neck of the bottle, "I’m a grown ass man and I’ll drink at nine am if I  _want_ too, Ben."

Ben grunted and then with a yank, the whiskey bottle was in his hands and Five flopped backwards with a curse. Klaus raised an eyebrow and then giggled, "C'mon, Five-“Five glared at him from where he sat beside him, leaning against the wall, "Look, Klaus. I know  _you_ didn’t drink anything- I’m not- I’m not stupid."

He added to Ben, "I’m not stupid."

Ben's eyes widened with understanding and he looked into the bottle, "Seriously, Five? You drank all of it?"

Five nodded, lips curving into a tight triumphant smile, "One hundred percent success rate."

Ben knelt down, "Five, you  _know_ that’s not good for your liver."

Five batted away his hands, dismissing his brother's concern, "I was just fine when I was younger, I’m sure I’ll be fine now." 

Klaus furrowed his brow, "Younger."

Five hissed, hackles raising as they always did when the subject of his age was raised, "Yes,  _younger_ . I only looked older. I’m older right now than my old self has ever been in his entire life."

Klaus looked even more confused and Five sighed long sufferingly, "Oh, fuck it." He shifted, turning to face Klaus, brows furrowing as he changed the subject seemingly at random, "Look, Klaus, you- you were homeless for a bit. You’ve said so, Vanya's book said so, and- and your  _clothes_ say so."

Klaus gasped with mock outrage as Five continued, "So you- you know what it’s like. Living on the streets. Starving. Eating bugs to survive."

Klaus looked a little green and even Ben seemed disturbed. Okay, so maybe they hadn’t ever been desperate enough for bugs, but Five continued anyway, the whiskey loosening his tongue, "Every day is a fight for survival. Every  _fucking_ day. And that- that was a little much, even for me when I was  _actually_ thirteen. You know what I’m talking about Klaus. Alcohol dulls the senses, frees the mind, and better yet gives you quick access to peaceful oblivion for a few hours."

He chuckled drily, "And that’s something I crave, you know? I haven’t had a good night's rest since... since..." he frowned, "That first apocalypse go around, when I got injured." He shrugged, "And on top of that, I don’t need you all looking at me like I’m some science experiment freak- because I know I’m a monster already okay?"

Five rubbed at his eyes and shame filled his stomach like a stone as he felt tears springing there, somehow encouraged by his inebriated state. Forget everything nice he’d ever said-  _fuck_ alcohol, "And I- didn't- I never wanted to  be this, you know. I didn’t ask for it. They said that it would make me better. And I had to be. To save you. And I can’t live  _without_ it now. But I don’t regret it." He scrubbed at his eyes, whispering brokenly, "I don’t regret it."

Five startled as he felt arms pulling him close and then relaxed as he felt the softness of a hoodie beneath his fingers, Ben's hands gently rubbing his back, and god, he’d missed his brother so much, "Five, you’re not a monster okay? What they did to you was fucking messed up."

Klaus snorted mirthlessly, and Five knew he was somewhere behind him, "You can say that again."

He could feel Ben's quiet glare from here, "But none of us think you’re a monster. You’re a good per-“

Five pushed back, lips curling as he met Ben's dark eyes and he couldn’t take that mournful expression- not directed at  _him_ , " _Don't_. Don’t even say that to me. You know what I’ve done."

Ben sighed, and it was Klaus that spoke up this time, "You’re a drama queen, Five."

Five watched Ben's face fall with disappointment in real time as he turned to give Klaus the most irritated look he could muster.

Instead of heeding these warnings of clear and present danger, Klaus continued on blissfully, "Yeah, okay, genetic modification is a lil fucked up, Number Five, and sure, apparently, it made you better at killing. I get it, it’s crazy shit." He waved it off and Five stared, as Klaus reached forward, pinching his cheeks, "And now you’re a cranky alcoholic time traveling assassin trapped in the tiny prepubescent body of a really  _cute_ thirteen-year old, seriously Five, I don’t remember you being _this_ _adorable_ like- look at your  _tiny little baby cheeks_ _-_ “

Five scowled and slapped his hands away from his face, "I will cut you open and bathe in your blood."

"Fantastic visual there, Five, my boy, but as I was saying, one of us is an idiot trapped in a gorilla body who's time on the moon made him even more annoying, another one of us is a little less of an idiot with insane daddy issues, there's me- a reformed druggie who’s died once and can speak to the dead, a movie star who can mind control anyone she wants too but refuses to use it, Ben- who was dead  _literally_ a week ago and has what a portal to Cthulhu in his stomach? And of course, our little baby sister who ended the world twice."

Klaus paused, "Where I was going with this? I had a point."

Five glared and Ben stuck his face in his hands.

Klaus brightened, "Right! Sure, you might not be a good person, Five, but none of us are. Except, maybe, like Ben."

Five deadpanned, "Wow.  _Thanks_ , Klaus."

Klaus stubbornly kept on, "You’re not a monster, Number Five.  _You’re not_ _._ And besides even _if_ you were, you don't _have_ to be. The people who made you that way are dead and gone. Now whether or not you’ll continue to be monstrous is up to you."

Ben blinked, "Didn’t you hear that in rehab?"

Klaus hissed at him.

Five rubbed his eyes, "Sometimes you two are dumber than Luther and Diego."

He heard twin gasps of horror and then Klaus's offended, "You take that back!"

Five smirked, eyes red rimmed, but somehow feeling more calm now, "I can’t take back the truth."

Ben snorted as Klaus grabbed at his chest and fell back on the floor dramatically, "You wound me, Five! How could you do this to your own brother?"

Five leaned over to stare at him, unimpressed, "Usually when I wound someone, there are more entrails involved."

The alcohol must’ve been affecting him more then he thought. He lost his balance and then, yes that had definitely been Ben who had shoved him, fell face first to the floor beside Klaus.

Ben flopped down beside them, "One hundred percent success rate, my ass."

Klaus snickered. 

Five punched Ben's shoulder and then wriggled around till he was at least facing upwards, sandwiched between Ben and Klaus on the floor. He huffed, "This house is a fucking nightmare."

Both of his brothers descended into loud giggles.

Five sighed.

For the first time in a long time, however, his chest didn’t feel tight with the weight of all he had done and he didn’t ache to drink himself into oblivion, instead he was perfectly content to sit here, on the floor with his ridiculous siblings, staring up into the ceiling.

"Hey, he’s smiling!"

Or not.

Five elbowed Klaus.

His brother wheezed and Ben threw an arm over Five, "Oh, hush now, sweet little psycho, you know we love you."

Five snorted, but, remarkably, didn't shrug off the embrace, which said enough on its own.


	3. they got methods of keeping you clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This started out very angsty and then it got so tender it made my toes curl :/

Five turned, not used to his back being able to take the carpeted floor without the complaints of fifty years of aches and pains. He whispered hesitantly, before he regretted saying anything, "Klaus? Ben?"

He felt both of his brother's attentions turn on him. Five looked up at the ceiling, "There’s something really wrong with me."

The air was thick with a patient silence and Five swallowed, feeling his hackles rising. He wanted to shout and rage, but were those even  his instincts? Had they ever truly  been his instincts? He’d never taken time to stop and think about it clearly in the light of day. Every thought he’d had about his condition had always been in the dead of night and hastily pushed away. But now that there was no pressing emergency, it lodged in his throat, begging to be whispered out loud. But he was so afraid of voicing it, of making it  _real_ ...

Ben asked quietly, "Why do you say that?"

Five's breath hitched, hands clasped over his stomach as he stared up at the paneled ceiling, "The killing. I know I said I never wanted to be a killer. But I don’t think I really said what I meant."

He didn’t dare meet his brother's eyes, this newfound honesty making him feel far too exposed- far too  vulnerable , like a raw nerve or an open wound rotting and burning as it was laid bare to others, "I never enjoyed killing. Back then. It’s almost too hard to remember it was so long ago. But I  know that I didn’t. But now-“ he sucked in a breath, the air harsh in his lungs, "I want it  so badly ."

He could feel Klaus tense beside him.

Five's fists clenched and he forcefully relaxed them, feeling his muscles contract, "Whatever they did to me, it had- it had  effects . I  _want_ to tear people open-“ he choked, "I don’t want too. But I  _do_ -“ he rubbed his eyes, hands fists again, "I think about it so much. Blood, viscera, the delicate heartbeat in a wrist, peeling back skin and musculature layer by layer to expose bone-white ribs and a pulsing heart, still red and wet and beating-“

Five felt his nails dig into his wrists, trembling, "I’m so fucking scared that one day I’m going to snap and turn into a mindless animal- that I’m going to forget everything and become exactly what they wanted me to be- a rabid  animal conditioned to follow their orders, controlled solely by them, invincible,  unstoppable , sustained only by the need to  kill and destroy-“

He was fucking crying again wasn’t he, and didn’t that just take the cake, " I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel, but I need the violence. I wish it was just trauma or the obsessive need for some semblance of control or some shit like that and maybe some of it is- but it’s mostly not- it’s  instinct \- it’s  need \- it’s- it’s  _me_ . It’s not a choice, Klaus, and I fucking wish it was, but they made it a part of me."

He sniffed and rubbed his eyes, nearly startling as Klaus pulled him close, shoving his face into his shirt and Five was momentarily distracted by the fact that he smelled like Allison's perfume, "Oh buddy. Little Number Five. Our tiny man baby murder gremlin."

Five managed to choke out a broken sob, "I will shove your head  _so far_ up your ass."

Klaus chuckled, hand combing through his hair, "That’s a lot to unpack in there."

He heard a soft, " Klaus ," from Ben, who was probably giving him those big puppy eyes he was so good at nowadays.

Klaus shushed Ben before continuing, "I have to be honest, buddy. Giving advice about having the DNA of hundreds of serial killers infused with yours, thus turning you into the most prolific killer in the world and giving you the insatiable urge to murder is a little beyond me."

It was comforting in the darkness of his brother's embrace, feeling the warmth and heartbeat and breath of a human being, solid and real, unlike anything in his time in the apocalypse. Klaus's words, blunt as they were, didn't seem to pierce him as harshly like this.

"And while it’s not in my area of expertise." There was a panicked laugh, "Or anywhere near it really. I do know this. You’re not alone anymore. You have all of us. And we may be dumbasses a lot of the time-“

Five scoffed wetly, "More like  _all_ of the time-“

Klaus continued, "But I think I can speak for everyone if I say that we love you. We love _so fucking much_ , Five. Vanya left those nasty peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for you every night after you left. I know Ben read aloud to your room after you were gone. And I  _know_ I tried to summon you  _so many_ times, Five. I don’t know about the others-“

Ben spoke up, an arm thrown across them both, "Diego sometimes stayed up in his room with his curtains open. He was keeping watch outside, in case you came back. Luther made rounds before bedtime to make sure everyone was still here. Allison tried rumoring you, for hours, sometimes, into coming back."

Five sniffed, feeling uncharacteristic tears welling up at the thought of his siblings waiting for him alone, hoping he’d come back. He was glad for Klaus hiding his face from view. He’d tried  _so hard_ to get back to them , "I’m sorry for leaving-“

"That’s not what this is about, Five. This is about how we're there for you. We _will_ help you through this. We will beat this. You have us, little brother. You are not alone. Not anymore. Not ever again, you understand?"

Five nodded slightly.

Klaus rested his chin on Five's head, "Good."

The three of them sat in a peaceful silence until Five broke the quiet with a soft, "I didn’t know you were smart enough to know what prolific meant."

Ben snickered and Klaus laughed, pulling him close, the embrace almost painful, but Five didn’t care. He’d missed them all so much.

It didn’t take long before a lazy relaxation set in. The alcohol, the fact that he hadn’t actually slept much the previous night, the exhaustion of secrets spilled, and his brothers warm and alive around him helped him drift off into the most peaceful sleep he’d had in years.

Five to ten minutes later, quiet footsteps signaled the arrival of another and then a soft hesitant query, "What is this a slumber party?"

Klaus laughed, lifting up an arm to reveal Five curled and snoring around him, "He just fell asleep like that. I didn’t want to wake him. You know how old people are when you wake them up from their nap."

Vanya smiled, "Mind if I join you?"

Ben shook his head and shifted to the side, letting Vanya wiggle in between them. Her brows softened as she watched her sleeping brother, quiet and still, "Is he okay?"

Ben nodded, "He will be."

Klaus gave her a thumbs up and finished, "With time, and our help."

Vanya smiled, gently brushing Five's hair back from his forehead, his lashes dark on round childish cheeks, "I’m always here for him, Klaus."

They stayed like that, the three of them whispering quietly to each other until more footsteps interrupted them and Diego stepped into view, looking down on the four of them. They stared at each other for a minute trying to pretend they hadn’t been doing anything wrong or weird, laying in the middle of a hallway.

Klaus broke the silence, "Hey. How's the weather up there?"

Diego held up his middle finger and Vanya snorted, suppressing a smile as Ben snickered.

Klaus pouted.

Diego spoke, finally, "If we move Five to one of the living rooms we can make a pillow fort and watch movies all day."

Klaus choked on air and Vanya smiled brilliantly, "That’s a great idea, Diego!"

She sat up, whispering excitedly, "I’ll go get Allison," before she hurried off, socked feet padding silently away.

Diego grunted, walking off in the opposite direction, "I’ll get the pillows. And let’s do the third living room, that’s the best one."

Klaus gaped and then turned his head to Ben, "Holy shit, we have the best family."

Ben grinned, his smile far softer and fonder than it had any right to be, "I know."

He pushed himself up, "Let me get Luther, he can carry Five for you."

Klaus listened to his footsteps trail off down the hallway and pulled Five close, listening to the soft breathing of his sleeping brother, "See Five? I told you it would all work out."

Klaus bent down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

His brother remained asleep.

* * *

Five frowned, lips pursing and brows furrowing as he yawned. He blinked slowly, once, twice and then stretched, trying to remember when he’d gone to bed. He froze as he heard a, "Look! He’s awake!"

Five blinked, taking in the upturned living room. There were several cushion-less couches, their cushions littering the carpet resulting in a soft almost marshmallow-like floor. Blankets were strung up from the ceiling, Christmas lights dangling in what was probably a fire hazard. 

The TV had been pulled over to fit under the blankets, surrounded by an array of dvds, snacks, and several of his siblings.

He licked his lips, trying to part the clouds of sleep, "What... what time is it?"

Klaus grinned from where he sat, legs crossed, a dvd in hand, "Good morning or should I say, good afternoon sleeping beauty!"

Five slurred, rubbing his eyes sleepily, "Ffffffuck you, Klaus."

Allison shook her head, "Boys. No fighting."

Luther snorted from his place leaning against the couch to his left, "Fat chance."

Diego threw a piece of popcorn at his head.

Luther stared at him in confused hurt and outrage as the kernel bounced off of his shoulder. Ben looked up from beside Klaus, "We were about to start watching the lord of the rings trilogy. Is that okay with you, Five?"

Five frowned, mind muddled with sleepy confusion, "They made movies for those books?"

Klaus gasped, a hand to his chest, " _Five!_ " 

Ben nudged his shoulder, " _Klaus_ _._ "

Vanya shifted and Five realized that that was who he was leaning on, "You and Ben loved those books, Five."

There was a fond sigh from Ben, "They were the only fiction books Dad let us get our hands on."

Vanya continued, "The movies don’t follow them as closely, but they’re still pretty amazing."

Five blinked again and then decided, to hell with it, and slumped bonelessly against his sister, "Only if I get some of those chocolate covered coffee beans."

His siblings brightened, and a coil of warmth settled in his stomach.

Maybe he wasn’t okay right now. But he was staring to think that maybe, one day, he would be. 


	4. because the drugs never work, they're gonna give you a smirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mad max? Fallout? Walking dead? Apocalypse lies.

"Sooo, Five."

Five looked up, "Hmm?"

Klaus put his head in his hands, "What was that about bugs?"

Five frowned, "Are you just bored because we stopped the movie so they could order pizza?"

Diego and Luther were in the other room ordering dinner, Diego having insisted that he  _had_ to be there or else Luther would screw it up. They’d left, quarreling, which was unsurprising and usually meant that the task would take ten times longer than it needed too. Which for people like Klaus with laughably short attention spans meant hell for the rest of them. (Though to be fair, and not that Five would  _ever_ admit it, but he was impatient for them to come back too. The movie was  _good_ and they were taking too long.)

Klaus sighed, "Maybe."

Five popped another chocolate coffee bean in his mouth. Really whoever had invented them deserved the noble peace prize or some equally high honor or some shit. They were the best things he’d discovered since coming back, "What bugs?"

Klaus gestured, "You know, in the apocalypse."

Five shrugged, "Oh. Well. Cockroaches. Sometimes spiders."

Vanya sat up straighter, and Allison asked curiously, "What's this about bugs?" 

Klaus waved a hand airily, "Five said he ate bugs in the apocalypse and I was curious! So  _sue_ me."

Vanya frowned, "Five, you ate bugs? You’re scared to death of spiders."

Five laughed bitterly, "They're also a great source of protein." He shoved several beans in his mouth, "Fucking creepy. Too many legs and sometimes fuzzy. But when you’ve broken your leg after being too reckless digging through rubble for food and you don’t have access to modern medicine, you get pretty desperate."

Five swallowed, "Cockroaches are better. No fuzz and they’ve got a nice crunch that makes it sort of bearable. I think they’d have been better fried. Oh, maybe with salt or something."

He noticed his siblings looking at him with mixed looks of disgust and horror, "What?"

Allison was the one who spoke, "Five... Five, thats fucked up."

Five raised an eyebrow, popping another bean in his mouth before adding, "At least I never resorted to cannibalism-“

"Oh ewww-“

"Five!"

" _Gross!_ "

Five snickered, taking delight in their disgusted faces. He’d had fifty years to get used to this knowledge. (So much so that he’d eaten a cockroach here once. He was never going to live that down even if only Pogo and Mom had been there to see it. Which was more than a little embarrassing, but at least, less than his siblings seeing such a thing. While they were sure to freak out, Mom had only made him pancakes and told him bugs, while a good source of protein, shouldn’t be eaten.)

Ben asked curiously, "Were there people who did that there?"

Alison glared at him and he shrugged, "What? Aren’t you curious how the post-apocalyptic wasteland turned out? Was it like all the stories?"

Five snorted, "No. It wasn’t. First off, no one was alive. There were no survivors. And I wasn’t there long enough for regular vegetation to really start growing back enough to become sustainable. And no, as far I know, no one resorted to cannibalism. I was talking about eating the corpses, that was the cannibal option."

Klaus pushed away his popcorn, "I’m not hungry anymore."

Five grinned and ate another bean, "As far as I know, I was the only one who survived, and that was only by showing up  _after_ it had all happened. But I’m pretty sure I arrived at the epicenter of the explosion. I suppose someone else  _might’ve_ been alive on another continent, but again, given the condition of the planet I’d assume the oceans were either toxic or dried up. Plus plant life was basically fucked, so... I mean, there was _so much_ ash in the air it took _years_ for the sky to become visible again. I probably had some sort of fucked up lung condition from breathing in so much of that shit for so long."

Five shook his head, "It’s just not sustainable in the long term. One person alone could live out a lifetime there, as long as he was careful and kept moving... but a group of people being able to sustain their existence across several generations? Enough to repopulate? No. They’d run out of food too soon."

He looked up, "Hey, pass that bag of marshmallows."

Ben handed it over, something sad in his eyes.

Vanya asked quietly, "How'd you know it was the epicenter?"

Five waved a hand, "Oh you know. You guys." He paused realizing what he’d said, hands still frozen deep in the marshmallow bag, "Ah. I mean the blast radius or some shit."

Allison leaned forward, adjusting the blanket on her legs, "What do you mean  _us?_ "

Five glowered before taking out a single marshmallow and flicking it at her. Klaus giggled as it bounced off her nose. Allison caught it before it hit the ground and raised an eyebrow, squashing it pointedly between two fingers and eating it.

Five sighed, "...When I warped in... I found your bodies. That’s where I got the eyeball, which means the first go around, you all died fighting Vanya and Harold, sorry Vanya."

Allison stared.

Klaus blinked.

Ben asked quietly, "You mean when you were  _thirteen_ , at _the_ _end of the world_ you saw all of us _dead_ as adults?"

Five ate a marshmallow humming as he tasted it. Really there was nothing quite like marshmallows. Maybe he could get up and find some peanut butter. But the coffee beans had already served to fill him up. He didn’t want to eat anymore and get sick- he was still getting used to regular meal portions, "Everyone except Ben and Vanya. Though I suppose that makes sense since Ben, you were dead already and Vanya, you'd probably been vaporized when you blew up the world," he tacked on again hastily, "Sorry Vanya."

Vanya shook her head, voice soft and cracked, "You don’t have to apologize, Five."

Five chewed his marshmallows.

Vanya pulled him close, resting her chin on his head. Five felt like brushing her off, but that was simply too much trouble right now. Or at least, that was what he told himself.

Ben, Klaus, and Allison seemed suddenly melancholy and Five rolled his eyes realizing why, "Look, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s been fixed, the apocalypse is over, no one is affected by it anymore."

Allison clasped her hands, clearly concerned, " _You're_ affected by it."

Five's mouth opened and closed before he huffed, "And I’m dealing with it. But it’s- it’s not a problem anymore-" He added firmly, " _ It’s not your fault, Vanya . I’m  fine _ _._ "

Vanya laughed, no mirth there, "Stop thinking about us for once and think about yourself."

Five scowled.

Allison smirked, "I never thought I would be agreeing with a sentence like that, especially since you have a superiority streak a mile wide, but she's right, Five."

Vanya smiled sheepishly, "Thanks, sis."

Five crossed his arms, "Why does everyone keep ganging up on me?"

Klaus tossed a popcorn and caught it, "Well maybe if you didn’t make it so  easy , old man-“

Five spat, "Well maybe if you weren’t such an  _asshole_ -“

Vanya choked on laughter. Ben giggled.

Klaus gasped with offense, a retort on his lips but Allison interrupted him, desperately trying to keep things civil, "Okay! No name calling during trauma sessions!"

Klaus, Ben, and Five got the same look in their eyes at the same time. Five snapped at Klaus, "You're a son of a bitch-“ Klaus stuck out his tongue at Ben, "Shitstick!” Ben threw back at them both, " _Idiots_ ."

Allison glared, spluttering, "You contrary little  _shitheads_ ."

Vanya cackled.

It was at that moment both Luther and Diego walked into the room, pausing as they saw their brothers and Allison hurling insults at each other, Vanya giggling beside Five.

Diego put his hands in his hips, "The fuck is going on here?"

Luther frowned, "We were only gone for five minutes-“

Klaus whipped around, quipping at the same time as Five snapped, "More like  _twenty_ ."

Diego and Luther flinched back.

Five and Klaus stared at each other, with horror and delight respectively at their synchronization.

Ben snorted, "I knew you two shared a brain cell sometimes, I  _knew_ it."

Vanya sighed with happiness, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. 


	5. so darken your clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is late ahhh I got super busy with school and then the tua zine and then the tua Big Bang and I completely forgot about this!! I’ve seen all of the comments and I appreciate them all so much!! I’ll try to get back on top of that soon <3 for now here’s the next chapter <3

Five glowered at Diego and Luther threateningly, the glint in his eyes and the twist of his lips promising murder.

His two dumbass brothers remained oblivious.

"Diego, you could  _not_ make that shot."

"You think I couldn’t? I’ll prove to you right here and right now that I could. I’m Legolas, bitch."

Five sighed and wished again that the sane people hadn’t all left the room. But  Vanya and Klaus had gone for more popcorn and to wait for the impending pizza delivery, Allison had gotten a phone call from Patrick about a possible visit from Claire, and Ben had excused himself to the bathroom.

Which left him alone with the two biggest idiots in the family.

Luther scoffed, "Are you kidding?"

Diego snapped, "Five, what do you think? Am I Legolas?"

Five looked him in the eye, raising an eyebrow, voice thick with warning and an unspoken threat, " _What_ ."

Diego was twirling the blades of one his knives between his fingers, waiting impatiently, "I’m Legolas, right little brother?"

Five glared, lips curling at the 'little'- his brother realizing his mistake far too late, "All you are is lacking in brain cells, asshole."

Luther giggled.

Diego pointed at Five with his knife, "And you are dead meat."

Five scoffed disbelievingly and crossed his arms. Diego huffed, taking far more offense to this than what Five thought was proportional to the argument, "What  _is_ your problem, anyway, Five?"

Five glared back at him, lips thin, "Is this really the hill you want to die on, Diego?  Really ?  _Legolas_ _?_ "

Diego laughed softly, "Oh, this is about more than that. I’m asking why you always have a stick up your ass. The apocalypse is  over , _little_ brother." 

Five's nostrils flared, "See, actually  that’s the problem. Call me  little one more time and I drive that knife into your appendix, okay?"

Diego grinned, "I’d like to see you try."

Luther held up a hand, "Whoa, hey, guys, maybe we should calm down-“

Five and Diego snapped without breaking eye contact, "Stay out of this, Luther."

Luther sighed and then they heard the familiar crunch of popcorn. Diego's brows furrowed and he eyed his brother, momentarily distracted, "I thought we were out of that."

Luther muttered, mouth full, "There's still some left."

Five frowned and scooted over, "Hey, yeah, actually. Why are you guys wasting this?" Five dug his hand into the bowl, pulled out a handful of unpopped kernels, and stuffed them in his mouth.

Diego gaped.

Five grabbed a few more and sat back crosslegged on the cushion-less couch again, kernels crunching like hard candies.

Diego pinched the bridge of nose, "I’m just gonna- I’m just gonna pretend that I didn’t see you two eat that, you buncha fuckin' wack-ass weirdos. You’re both obstinate little kids you know that?"

Luther gasped, offended, "Hey!"

Five swallowed his kernels, snarling, "I’ll beat your ass into next week,  little brother."

Diego chuckled, as if this was what he’d been waiting for this whole time, "Oh it’s  on ." 

Luther frowned, "Wait a minute guys-“

Diego threw his knife, blade arcing as Five vanished, the blade sinking hilt-deep into the couch, shaking. Luther shook his head, "Oh no, Diego. We're  _not_ doing this here-“ 

Five popped back into existence next to Diego and elbowed him in the head, Diego grabbed his arm before it hit, "What's your problem, Five, huh?"

Five hissed, "My  problem is  you ." He swung out with the other hand, Diego catching that too and he laughed, "Ha!" Five slammed his head into Diego's nose and Diego yelped, clutching at his face. Five vanished again.

Diego swore and pulled out another knife.

Luther stood, head brushing the blankets above, "Look, guys, I don’t want to intervene, but I will if I have too-“ Five popped up on Diego's back, an arm in a chokehold around Diego's throat as he spat, "Oh, like  you could win against  me -“

Diego reared back and Five vanished before he was slammed into the couch.

Diego gasped, and then sneered at Luther, "Look, just stay out of this you big oaf-“

Luther's brows drew down, "Really, Diego?" 

Five reappeared and Diego threw his knife, Five managing to dodge it, but only barely. The knife slashed through the shoulder of his jacket, tearing threads and shirt sleeve. Five glared. Luther reached for Five and Diego, "Alright, I’m putting a stop to this-“

Five hissed at him and vanished, Diego pulled out another knife threateningly, "I’ll cut you big man."

Luther raised an eyebrow.

Five appeared behind Luther on the couch and launched himself onto his back, jacket in hand, wrapping it around Luther's head. Luther grabbed at his hands and fell back into the couch, the piece of furniture falling over backwards with the force of his bulk, leaving Luther with his feet in the air.

Diego guffawed, taking a hesitant step forward, "Oh,  _shit_ , you crushed Five!"

Five sneered as he reappeared, unharmed, behind Diego's back and kicked in the soft patch of flesh behind his knee. Diego stumbled with a shout as Five kicked the other knee in, grabbing an arm and  twisting .

Diego hissed, struggling, "Why’re you so uptight, little bro?"

Five twisted his arm tighter, frustration thick in his voice, "Stop calling me little! I’m fucking fifty eight years old. I’m your elder and I could  break your arm if I wanted too. If I hear one more time that I don’t get a say because I  look thirteen I’ll lose my fucking marbles!"

"Ah so that’s the problem, huh? Who said you don’t get a say cause you’re thirteen?"

Five's teeth gritted and he shoved Diego away from him, pointing a finger at his brother, who reeled from the sudden release, "You don't have to say it, but I get it every time I try to drive somewhere or fucking- fucking go out to the store to buy coffee! I can’t even buy  coffee , Diego. And it’s not just the stores- none of you listen to me because I look like a prepubescent shithead!"

Diego snorted, rubbing his arm, "You  do look like a shithead."

Luther's legs moved in the air as he tried to right himself.

Five huffed, jittery, hands flexing and relaxing, "You have  _no_ idea . I am almost fifty-nine years old. Do you know what it’s like suddenly being a kid again? Do you know what it’s like to lose your voice? To have suddenly no one listen to you?" He ran a hand through his hair, "And furthermore, this body isn’t mine, not anymore. Sure my older body had scars from decades of wear and tear- it had arthritis and back aches and malnutrition problems and a liver that was shot to hell but at least it was  _mine_ ."

Five rubbed his eyes, seething, "I spent fifty years in that body. What I am  now ," Five laughed, "Oh, Diego I am a  horror show. The consciousness of fifty years jammed into the mind and body of a thirteen year old complete with its own set of hormones and deficiencies and volatile temper, teetering on the edge of a puberty that I already went through! It’s a repulsive space time amalgamation that should _never_ have existed in the first place, and yet," he spread his arms, " _Here I am!_ "

Luther managed to at least get his head over his legs to squint at his two brothers with confusion.

Five continued, hissing, "And you know what? I wouldn’t mind being this- this  _abomination_ if it  worked . But  _no_ , no one  listens to me, I’m stuck a voiceless crazy old man running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get my moron siblings to not end the world for once in the fucking timeline!"

Diego sheathed his knife, still catching his breath, "There we go. That’s what I’m talking about, Five."

Five's brow furrowed, " _Excuse me?_ "

Diego nodded, "If making fun of your height makes you that mad bro, I won’t do it anymore." 

Five blinked, "Huh?"

Diego flopped down on the floor, straightening the messed up cushions, "Come on. Talk to your younger brother."

Five sputtered, "W- wha-" 

Diego leaned back, grinning with the weight of victory, a hand over his swollen nose, "You're getting slow, old man." He held up a finger as Five started forward, probably getting ready to strangle him if he didn’t get answers, "I’ve only seen you get unhinged when in immediate danger or threat of violence, probably because that’s where you’ve spent most of your time. You’re used to it, you’re the best at it, and you feel in complete control. Ergo, you’re more willing to be emotionally vulnerable in a fight."

Five stopped and stared, "... _Holy fucking shit._ " 

Luther laid back on the upended couch with a thud, "Next time you do that,  Diego , could you  at least _warn_ me?"

Diego snorted and then winced at the movement, "Where’s the fun in that?" He added sourly to Five, "You really pack a punch, you know that?"

Five huffed, still standing, somehow looking smaller without his jacket and his hair ruffled boyishly from the exertion. His lips twisted with impressed fury, "I can’t believe you have a brain, Diego. I never would’ve thought you had it in you."

Diego's brows furrowed and he crossed his arms defensively, "Well you’d be surprised. But anyway, everything you said... well it fucking sucks bro and I’ll..." he huffed, "I’ll  try to not bring it up anymore and we'll make a better effort to listen."

Five crossed his arms, eyes narrowing with suspicion, "Huh."

He eyed Luther, hands clasped, still on his back on the upturned couch, seemingly content to wait out this conversation. Diego sat back on the second couch, looking very smug and superior about everything. Five smirked, "Alright. Ben, you wanna come out now?"

Ben poked his head around the wall sheepishly, surveying the carnage around his brothers, "Well? Was I right, Diego?"

Five scoffed, " I knew it . I  knew you weren’t really smart enough."

Diego scowled, "Little shit."

Five flopped down to the ground, adrenaline fading away and leaving him tired, "Big shit." 

Ben moved closer and Five finished grudgingly, "... but thanks."

Diego's eyes widened and then, ignoring Luther's gasp of surprise, he grinned, giving Ben a thumbs up.

* * *

Allison stared at the destroyed living room before turning back to Diego, Ben, and Luther, "And why couldn’t you just  _ask_ Five what was bothering him?"

Luther shuffled sheepishly and Diego crossed his arms, lifting his chin without any shame, "It’s a brotherly thing, sis. You wouldn’t understand." 

Ben put his head in his hands.

Allison raised an eyebrow, "Oh  _really?_ "

Vanya let out a soft laugh, murmuring quietly, "Oops."

Five picked at the pizza curiously, a measure of distaste filling him at the thought of more food, "Don't listen to them, Allison. They’re numbskulls. Most of the time."

Luther smiled proudly, "But not _all_ of the time." 

Allison sighed, a dangerous irritation coloring her words, "Can you just fix the room and turn on the fucking movie?  Please ?"

They scrambled over the upturned couch, Luther straightening it carefully and then sitting down on the disturbed floor. Allison shook her head as the rest of them joined them on the carpet.

Vanya eyed Five with surprise, "Five. Where’s your jacket? And tie, actually?"

Five shrugged, "Too hot. I took the tie off earlier in case I needed to strangle Luther and Diego."

"Oh," Vanya lifted an eyebrow, "Smart."

Diego shouted, "Hey!"

Five grinned. 


	6. teenagers scare the living shit out of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!! :D this is actually the one I’m proudest of >:) 
> 
> tw for violence, Reggie, and the handler

The air was thick, clogged with ashes and fire. Smoke filled the air and stopped his lungs, choking him, the harshness of blood burning the back of his throat in a manner he’d thought- he’d _hoped_ \- that he would never feel again.

Five stumbled over the rocks, wrinkled hands scratched and dirty with dust and blood. He swallowed, voice rough, that of an old man's again, almost blissful in its familiarity, "What's happening? Delores?"

He turned and he was thirteen again as Reginald towered over him, shiny and clean, completely out of place in the rubble and ruin of the apocalypse, "You are my greatest disappointment, Number Five." 

Five's mouth opened and closed, hating how it cracked with weakness, "W- what?"

Reginald turned and Five choked, the twisted forms of siblings under the rubble, battered and broken in the destroyed remains of the Umbrella Academy, "No- no, I  saved them!"

Reginald chuckled, composed, dignified, and utterly amused at his feeble protests, "Number Five. I thought you were smarter than that."

Five blinked and turned, looking up. In the sky, the moon was shattered, pieces raining down, the asteroids careening closer, burning through the upper stratosphere, promising their doom. He turned back and his siblings were standing in front of him, blood dripping from noses and mouths and eyes, bullet holes littering their bodies. Vanya asked, "Why did you do this, Five?"

Five stumbled forwards, "No- I’m _sorry_ \- I- I  tried -“ 

Her eyes flashed white and blood poured out of siblings eyes and mouths, staining their clothes, "Why did you let us die?" She threw her hand outward and Five turned, watching bullets fly as a nuclear bomb arched towards his desperate siblings. Five reached forward, fingers outstretched, calling upon his useless powers, " _No!_ "

He fell through the illusion, landing on his hands. He turned, feet scrabbling, hands reaching out over bloodstained scorched earth, searching for something-  _anything_ , "No, no, no, no- I need to go back, I need to save them, I-“ 

The Handler stared down at him, lips curled upwards, red as sin, taking his chin in her hand as he stared helplessly up at her, "Oh my dearest Five, I can help you."

Five shook his head, tears staining his ashen cheeks, "No- no I won’t-“

Hands grabbed at him and he lashed out, snarling, but there were too many people holding him down. The Handler smiled, a syringe between two carefully manicured fingers, "Don't worry. This will all be over soon, darling. And then, of course, you’ll be perfect."

Five thrashed, screaming, "No! Stop- I won’t let you!”

But there wasn’t anything he could do- there was  _nothing_ he could do- he was _fucking_ _helpless_ as they held him down and corrupted his very being to suit their needs. The air warped and Ben stood over him, covered in blood- his face exposed muscle and bone and shredded skin, so small and only thirteen again, "How could you leave us, Five? How could you do this to me?  _How could you?_ "

Five choked on a sob, pulling at his restraints, "I didn’t- I didn't mean too-“

He blinked and he was standing over a pile of bodies that stretched on endlessly, axe in his hand. He was coated in viscera and blood, the mutilated bodies of his family under his feet, the world on fire, Reginald shaking his head in disappointment, "Time travel does terrible things to the mind, you know. Did this really happen? Or are you still back there? Isn’t this all too good to be true, Number Five? After all, how do you know what's really happening? How can you tell the difference between what is reality and what is not, Number Five?"

Five shuddered, fingers slick with scarlet, the salt of tears, the starch of ash, and the copper of blood thick on his tongue.

The Handler smiled prettily at him, one sharp nail tapping him on the nose, not one drop of blood marring her carefully calculated features and sharklike smile, "There we go, Number Five. There we go."

Reginald barked, " Think Number Five!"

The Handler cooed, "That’s my little killer."

Five swung out at the Handler with the axe, cutting through her wispy form, as her laugh echoed around them. He dropped the axe, clawing at his face, the Handler laughing as Reginald asked, no,  _demanded_ , "What is more believable, Number Five? A time traveling omnipotent Commision just  _happening_ to save you? Your siblings working together for once to actually save the world and to comfort you, out of all things, after everything- a  _ridiculous_ fanciful happy ending? Or, the hard truth, the last man on earth going mad all alone in his last few moments at the end of the world?"

Five clawed deep rivets in his skin, crying, hoping irrationally that if he dug deep enough, his old self would be there, hiding underneath, "I’m not crazy! I’m not back there!  I’m not!  _Fuck off!_ "

His siblings stood before him again, among the rubble and bodies of his victims, ash coating them like snow, skin burned and blackened and flaking, bugs eating their corpses as the sky rained fire, all crying out, " Five! Wake up! Five! "

Five sobbed, pulling and tearing at his flesh, exposing bone and muscle.

" Five, you’ve got to wake up! "

The Handler laughed, that _fucking_ _irritating_ laugh, the laugh of a victor, smooth and assured, "Oh, Five. You don’t really think you’ve won, do you? You’re my little monster, Five. There is no escape from us or from the apocalypse."

" Five, please, are you there? "

"Que sera, sera, Number Five. What will be, will be. And  this is what will  _always_ be."

" Five, come back to us! "

Five lashed out, screaming.

" _Five!_ "

* * *

Five jolted awake gasping, his hands twisting the blanket and eyes wild.

The first face he saw in the dimly lit darkness was Vanya with messy hair, eyes wide and brows furrowed, "Five? Are you okay? Five?"

Klaus, Diego, and Luther were to her right, Klaus looking remarkably concerned and Luther very sleepy. Diego had a knife out, but that seemed more like a reflex than the result of any actual danger. To Vanya's left was Ben and Allison. Allison's hair was pulled back into a tight braid, the pajamas she'd changed into after dinner mussed from movement.

Ben was behind her, cheeks marred with the red of couch imprints. Or at least, that’s what the others saw. In Five's minds eye, blood dripped from Ben's face instead of sleep marks and Vanya's eyes were pale white, her lips bloodless and cold. Allison and Diego were in the first stages of corpses rotting, bugs were eating the decomposition on Luther's skin, and Klaus's teeth and skull shone bone white through a gaping crack in his lower jaw, bits of sinew and stringy tattered flesh hanging off of bone.

Five blinked, rubbing at his eyes, trying to ignore the ash falling and the heat he felt trembling in every limb.

Vanya's hand reached out, "Five- it’s okay- you’re alright-“ 

Five flinched and then froze as he felt her hand, warm and real and alive in direct contrast to the scene before him. He breathed in and out before looking up, the horrific vision filling his eyes again. He blinked, "I know. I’m fine. It’s not real. I’m aware."

Vanya leaned forward, "What's not real, Five?" Her lips were purple white and, as he watched, turning blacker and rotting away. He licked his lips, "This happens sometimes. I’ll be fine."

Klaus frowned, "Hey, little man." Diego elbowed him and Klaus folded inwards with an ' _oof!_ ' Diego hissed something and Klaus managed to choke out, "Hey,  _old_ man." He pinched Diego's arm who whined, " Ow! " 

Klaus continued, the hole in his cheek widening as it rotted away to encapsulate his eye, which hung now at a disturbing angle down his cheekbone, "Nightmares are normal, Five. It’s okay."

Five closed his eyes, breathing out through his nose and counting to ten, "Normal."

If he looked up he knew he’d see worse scenes, all lovingly hand plucked from his previous memories by his subconscious, called up to haunt him and sloppily pasted over his sibling's faces. Gotta love the miracles of the human mind.

It was time to face the music, however. He’d spent enough time cowering from his consciousness. Five opened his eyes, glaring furiously, "I’m fine. It was  nothing ."

He breathed out a sigh of relief with his siblings stared back at him, unmarked by his nightmares. He leaned back, embarrassment coloring his cheeks, "Sorry to bother you."

Vanya pulled him into a hug and he froze up again, "It’s alright, Five. We're here for you." Five nodded stiffly.

Vanya let go, still clearly concerned, especially at his lack of reciprocation.

Allison spoke up, "If you want to talk about it-“

Absolutely not. He was not baring his soul to his siblings yet again. They had gotten for too cocky today and as nice as this break had felt, this was one thing he wouldn’t be sharing. Five scowled, "I’m good actually."  


Allison frowned and Diego scoffed, "Bullshit."

Five retorted defensively, clinging to his familiar rage and hoping to mask the tear tracks on his cheeks, "I will fillet you like a fish with one of your own knives-“ 

Allison interrupted both of them, "Can none of us go without arguing for five minutes?"

Klaus scoffed and Luther mumbled, " No ." 

Five glared. 

Allison leaned back in the dim light of the Christmas lights. It was probably somewhere around two am at this point, considering they’d all admitted defeat to finishing the series at midnight and had all sleepily bedded down on the floor, "Here. We're _all_ going to talk about some of our own traumas- not our  siblings , _just_ _ours_ , okay? That way we'll all be getting something out of this."

Her family stared skeptically back at her and she rolled her eyes, "Here, I’ll start..." 

They watched her curiously as Allison took a breath and began slowly, "Everything I ever got, fame, money, family..."

She sighed and closed her eyes, "Everything I ever got was through rumors. I earned none of it. Everything but Raymond and Claire." She laughed softly, sadly, "Everything but you guys."

Vanya seemed stricken, "Allison... That's... that's not true." 

Luther spoke up after Vanya trailed off, devastated, "You don't have to do this, okay?"

Allison shook her head, "We all have things we need to get out one way or another. Every one of us. Better now than later when it festers and bubbles up at the most inopportune moments."

Diego muttered quietly, "Like if it turns into blowing up the moon?"

Five punched him in the shoulder.

Diego hissed, "Ow! Would you  quit it?"

Five sniped back, "Quit being an asshole, then."

They both glowered are each other.

Allison cleared her throat, giving both of them a scolding glance, "Who's next?"

Luther sighed with resignation, "I’ll go." He twiddled his thumbs, "Well... dad sent me to the moo-“

Everyone collectively groaned. Klaus dragged at his eyes, Allison put her face in her hands and Diego scoffed. Ben and Vanya shook their heads. Even Five pinched the bridge of his nose.

Luther scowled, completely mystified, "What?"

Diego stared at him, eyebrows raised, "Dude."

Luther frowned, "Seriously, what?" 

Allison twiddled her thumbs in her lap as she sighed, "Luther. We all.... we all know about the moon. We're aware. Four years, alone. You’ve made sure we all know."

Diego snorted, " Several times."

Klaus added, "A  million times." 

Luther huffed, "Fine. How about the fact that the apocalypse is  _my_ fault? If I hadn’t been such an asshole- if I hadn’t- I hadn’t thought  _so much_ of Dad, then maybe I wouldn’t have locked my sister up in a cage and caused the end of everything. Maybe I wouldn’t have ended up _exactly like him_."

Diego blinked, "Holy shit, Luther. That’s some impressive self-awareness."

Allison slapped his shoulder, scolding him, "Diego!" 

Diego snapped, "Seriously, what is it with you guys and  _hitting_ me?"

Vanya shook her head, ignoring her siblings, "Luther, the apocalypse was  not your fault. I don’t... I don’t agree with what you did and you  _weren’t_ right, but I understand your position. I had just hurt Allison," she flashed an apologetic glance at Allison, "And you were scared. I had powers you didn’t understand, Allison was hurt, the world was supposedly ending soon, and  Dad was terrified of my powers, so much so that he made me  forget I even had them." 

Luther looked up, "Still... I’m sorry, Vanya. I understand if you can’t forgive me... I..." he rubbed his hands together nervously, "I wouldn’t be so understanding."

Vanya smiled softly and placed her hands over his, stilling them, "I understand and I forgive you."

Luther blinked, clearly surprised that his mistake had been forgiven, "Really?"

She nodded, "You're my brother. And you may have done something really bad, but ah. Five kills people. Klaus is a drug addict, and I ended the world. What- hm- what family doesn’t have its problems?"

Klaus murmured, "Awww. That is so sweet you guys."

Allison smiled sharply, "Thank you for volunteering! Your turn Klaus."

Klaus spluttered, clutching his feathered scarf, "W- what? That’s not-" he caught sight of his siblings all staring intently at him and he cursed, "Fuck. That’s not fair."

Allison raised an eyebrow, challenging him.

Klaus pouted, "Well. After Cha-Cha and Hazel tortured me-“

Luther choked, " _What?_ "

Klaus continued, lips curling up into a impish smile as he leaned back, crosslegged and pleased as punch, "I spent ten months in Vietnam in the 1960s."

Five raised an eyebrow and nodded, "He's not lying."

Klaus sighed lovingly as his siblings stared at him in shock, "And that’s where I met the love of my life, Dave Katz-“

Five choked, " Who? "

Klaus blinked and stared, repeating slowly, "...Dave Katz?"

His brother's eyes widened with horror, his face paling as he mouthed the name, small fingers twisting in the knotted blankets pooled around his legs.

Allison asked, curiously, "What?"

Five shook his head, "Nothing. I just- it’s nothing."

Klaus frowned but continued, "Well... he died. And then when we were in the sixties for the second time I tried saving his life but," he laughed, "I ended up causing him to enlist even earlier. Great, huh?"

Allison dragged her gaze away from Five, brow softening, "I’m so sorry, Klaus. That must’ve been so hard for you."

Diego nodded, "Yeah that’s really... that’s really rough, brother."

Klaus shrugged, waving it away, "It’s fine. I’ve- I've come to terms with it."

Vanya leaned her head on his shoulder and Klaus's face softened into something more genuine, "Thanks, Vanny." 

Allison chewed on her lip thoughtfully, "Okay... Diego. How about you?"

Diego scowled, "Do we really have to do this?"

They glared at him.

Diego sighed, twiddling with a knife, "Well. Eudora Patch, the love of my life, was killed also, but by Hazel and Cha-Cha."

Klaus held out a fist, "Solidarity, Number Two."

Diego rolled his eyes, lips curling into the semblance of a smile as he gave him the fist bump back, "You're an asshole, Number Four."

He continued after a moment with another sigh, "And dad. I couldn’t- I couldn’t talk to him without him making me feel like a useless kid again. Like nothing I had done mattered at all and that I was... was worthless." He rubbed his eyes, "And then my second girlfriend turned out to be trying to kill all of us."

Vanya smiled sadly, weakly holding out a fist, "Solidarity?"

Diego choked on a laugh and gave her a fist bump, "Solidarity, little sis."

Five sighed, folding his arms, "Well, I’m glad we’ve established you all have massive amounts of daddy issues."

Luther frowned, "Uh, what about you?"

Five scoffed bitterly, "Oh, not me. Reginald and I came to an understanding."

Allison hummed skeptically, "Mmm-hm. _Sure_. But... Ben how about you?"

Ben sighed, looking down, "I um. I died, I guess. I left all you behind by yourselves. I wasn’t there to help."

Luther put a hand on his shoulder, "Ben, that wasn’t your fault." Diego nodded along, agreeing with his brother for once, "We don't blame you." Vanya shook her head, "There's nothing that you could’ve done, Ben."

Allison added softly, "You were just a kid, Ben."

Five hummed, "You didn’t leave us. You were always there even if we couldn’t see you." Klaus wiped a tear from his eye, "You're our little unproblematic angel, Ben."

Ben smiled sadly, "Thanks guys."

Vanya's lips quirked upwards, "We missed you so much, Ben. And we're so glad you’re here."

Allison nodded, "Vanya?"

Vanya blinked with confusion and then laughed self-deprecatingly, "Oh, right. Um... I guess my trouble is that I thought I wasn’t useful or wanted or needed. I felt like a burden on everyone. And then when I realized I was special, the first thing I did was murder Pogo, try and kill you guys and then... and then I ended the world. Twice." She laughed mirthlessly, "Because of me, my best and- and sometimes it felt like  only friend got trapped in an apocalypse for fifty years."

Five stared, knuckles white around the blanket, voice hard and thin, "Vanya. That was _not_ your fucking fault. That was mine.  _I_ got myself stuck there. You didn’t- that wasn’t-“

Vanya smiled, eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over at any time, "Thanks, Five. I appreciate that. I just hope that one day I’ll be able to believe you."

Five's lips thinned, trembling.

Allison pulled Vanya into a hug, "The apocalypse wasn’t your fault, Vanya. If anything it was  _Dad's_ fault ."

Klaus added, "And honestly, that entire rampage was literally a psychological break. All of us have had meltdowns before. Except you know, you just happened to have world ending superpowers." 

Vanya sniffed, "Your meltdowns don't usually involve senseless  murder ."

Five scoffed, voice wavering, "Speak for yourself."

Klaus choked on a laugh.

Allison looked at her brother, crosslegged on the couch, "Five. That’s all of us. It’s your turn."

Five folded his hands together, opening his mouth and then closing it. They waited patiently, staring at their old-young brother. He finally hissed, " Fuck ."

Klaus lifted an eyebrow.

Five rubbed his eyes, " _Fucking_ _fuck_. Fuck fuck  _fuck_ ."

Diego snorted, "Huh. This is going well."

Five brought his hands down, "Here. Alright. Fine. So I was arrogant enough to think I could time travel before Reginald said I was ready. But of course the old man was right and  I got myself stuck in an apocalypse for my entire adult life. Because of me, I wasn’t there when my entire family died fighting for their lives."

Allison opened her mouth, distress in the lines under her eyes, " Five -“

Five snapped, "Don’t start or I won’t finish." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You all know I was hired by the Commission. I worked for them, allowed them to utilize my skills and in return they helped me escape the apocalypse. I was desperate and stupid." He swallowed thickly, "The DNA thing happened. And then, Klaus," his voice broke, " _Klaus_ , I  killed people."

Klaus frowned, wondering why he was being targeted.

"I killed  _so many_ _people_. The Hindenburg, the great fire of London, hell, I almost did the JFK assassination. I would correct the places where the timeline strayed from its original course. I didn’t know why. I was just a weapon that they would point at a target. But I do remember a lot of names. Names that have no meaning." Five spoke slowly, "But I do remember someone named... named David Joesph Katz, in Vietnam. 1968."

Klaus paled.

Five's face crumpled as he managed to choke out, "Hill 689, in A Shau valley."

Klaus made a funny whistling noise.

Five didn't look up, "So you see. I killed. I didn’t care who, as long as I could get back to save all of you. But you know the rest. Failed to stop the apocalypse. I saw my family die three times. Killed the love of my brother's fucking life."

Klaus laughed brokenly, high-pitched and hysterical.

Five hugged himself, something in my cracking, shattering like glass after so many years, "Family therapy time is _over_."

He pulled on his powers reflexively, blue shimmering, but before he could vanish, Klaus threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around him. Five froze, eyes wide in shock as Klaus pulled him tight, feather boa itching against his neck, "I forgive you, Number Five."

Five closed his eyes, fingers tightening around his brother's sheer lace dressing gown that he’d stolen from Allison, voice breaking as he trembled, "You shouldn’t."

Klaus ran a hand through his hair, "That’s not your choice to make, old man."

Five choked, and pretended that he wasn’t crying.

Allison's brows softened.

Vanya smiled sadly. Ben's expression mirroring hers.

Finally, a little later, Klaus pulled away from Five, pretending not to take note of his red-rimmed eyes, "You owe me some good fucking waffles, though, little Number Five."

Five snorted, but nodded, rubbing his eyes.

Allison spoke up, "I only have one more thing to ask." 

Diego rubbed his forehead, "Oh, come _on_ , Allison, really?"

Allison glared and he shut his mouth. She turned to face Five again, "What did you mean by you saw us die three times?"

Five shrugged, wiping his head down his face, "Once in the first apocalypse. In the second one I... Hazel. He... he pulled me away before you were bombed in the second apocalypse. Which I suppose is good. I probably wouldn’t have left otherwise. The third time was uh, in the barn. We all got shot by the Handler. That’s how I figured out how to move back time."

Luther sucked in his breath, "Yeah, you caught her right as she came in the barn! I thought that was kinda weird, I remember."

Ben blinked, "We all got _shot?_ "

Five nodded, trying to blink back the memories of gasping out his last final breaths on the floor of that backwoods farm. His siblings dead and gone around him, his literal worst nightmare come to life. If he hadn’t... if he hadn’t figured out what Reginald had been trying to tell him they would’ve... 

Vanya asked quietly, "Even you?"

Five waved away a hand, "I had a few extra seconds. One of the Swedes killed the Handler while she was gloating. He would’ve taken care of me next, which was probably a mercy at that point considering the damage, but I reversed it."

Diego shook his head, "Five that is... that is  fucked up."

Five scowled, "Well you’re  here , aren’t you?"

“That's  _not_ what I meant-“

Allison leaned forward, interrupting her brother, "Five, you know, I don’t think any of us has ever told you thank you?"

Five gaped, " _What?_ "

Allison put her hand over his, peering up at him, "None of us has ever thanked for risking so much, for trying so hard to save us despite our own best efforts."

Five sputtered, "I- I don't- that wasn’t what I was..."

Allison pulled him close and he stiffened, "Thank you so much, Five. Thank you so much for saving us."

Vanya added, "Thank you for making sure the world didn’t pay the price for my anger."

Luther murmured, "Thank you for keeping us on track."

Klaus added airily, voice cracking, "Even if you got us stuck in the sixties, you saved our lives. You gave me a chance to see Dave again." 

Ben hummed, "You saved all of us, Five, even if you didn’t have too."

Diego added, "Yeah, you may be an asshole, but you’re  _our_ asshole. Thanks for coming back."

Number Five's helplessly bewildered scowl fell away as he crumbled and broke, but this time, he wasn’t alone. 

This time, his family was there to catch him.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


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